Findom Dommes - Some suggestions for you..
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In "Findom Twitter - Doing it healthy for submissives" I wrote up some suggestions for those playing the submissive role in findom twitter on how they could act/interact and ways they could behave/think to try and keep themselves as healthy as possible.
I always felt like I should write a similar piece for the other side of "the game" but found it very difficult. Partly because I don't really know the Domme side as well and it's hard to for me to give "health" advice there. But also, for the longest time, I held off writing a post like this for two main reasons.
Firstly, I've always believed that any man offering to give "training" of any sort in twitter findom (or more widely, sex work in general) is probably going to end up giving corrupt teachings. Even well meant advice can become easily tainted with fetish and fantasy, even when we don't mean to. What I'm aiming to do here is really not train or teach anyone anything then. But merely to give some suggestions that might make your life/everyone's better from experiencing interaction as a submissive.
But honestly, take them with a pinch of salt, this is a lot of anecdote and opinion. I'm FAR from an expert!
Secondly, I don't want anything I write to be taken as encouragement to be involved in Findom twitter. I'm not really trying to give you tips here on how to So...that's the first thing I want you to know!
- don’t do/get involved in findom. It’s unhealthy. Go do something else.
Ok... that disclaimer given, I'm guessing you maybe are going to ignore that? If so, then read on...
Let me address this directly to you then, lady doing (or about to do) findom.
This isn't really a "how to stay healthy" list as such. It's more of a collection of experiences, ideas and recommendations I built up in my time doing findom twitter actively and subsequently from following it from the sidelines and speaking with people still involved.
- First things first, be honest with yourself. The majority (not all) of you aren’t naturally dominant or kinky. Most of you are acting or copying/pasting tweets from others. A latex dress alone does not a domme make and usually, subs can tell. We know when you aren't comfortable and when you aren't into whatever is going on. Don’t be ashamed/embarrassed by this, I’m not using this point to attack you. I’m suggesting though you should be honest with yourself and others about what you are doing here.
- If you are here just for money, please at least read up on Safe/Sane/Consensual and other BDSM safety practices. What you are doing here is potentially harmful to yourself and others. A little bit of understanding can help a lot.
- remember that only a tiny portion of men are into pure “nothing in return” findom. The majority DO hope for/want something in exchange, even if its just to feel something. You might not like this but it’s the truth.
- because of this, what you have here is really a market place of buyers and sellers. It’s not the luxury atmosphere where you get paid for NOTHING at all which you might have seen advertised. It's hard work and quite demoralizing for the vast majority. Please please accept this point if nothing else on this list. This is a market place where services are exchanged for money. That's it.
- the market place is saturated by providers but not many buyers. There are literally thousands of girls doing the same thing as you. It’s extremely difficult to stand out.
- In the pursuit of standing out, don’t be a “Tara.” In other words, don’t try and be the worst, biggest bully to everyone and everything. Be safe, be thoughtful. You can still be dominant and cruel within those boundaries, you don’t have to be at full on destructive hatred at all times to stand out. It just makes you look bad.
- in conjunction with the point above, don't shit on other peoples kinks and fetishes? And go easy on the misandry? "Cash masters" particularly seem to get a lot of abuse from some of you but don't forget they often cater to gay submissives. They need a place to go too. Live and let live.
- types of men in findom twitter are probably something like this :-
Some guys of course, fit into more than one category. Type 5 and 6 are most common. Block those people immediately. Don’t interact with them or take anything they say seriously or to heart.
If you are lucky you’ll meet some type 3-4. Type 2 are rare. Type 1 are ultra rare. Your chances of meeting that type are extremely low indeed.
Realise and accept then that the men you interact with DO want something in return generally. Be clear with yourself and them what it is you are willing to give. Do your best to identify the type of people you are speaking with.
- many of you already know this, which is why you post tweets and content about different fetishes to try and trigger types 2, 3 and 4. Most of you will offer content, femdom, experiences and sex services but want payment through the mechanism of findom.
Classic example. This really looks like a femdom account but is labelled findom. It is likely, providing femdom with payment through findom.
- don’t attach getting interactions or payments to your self worth. Don’t compare yourself to other girls or think that they are better than you because they claim to get more money than you do. How valuable you are as a person has nothing to do with how much a pervert on the internet will pay to see your breasts.
- your public tweets are your brand in the market place. They are also “flags” that indicate to buyers (subs) what you are willing to offer. Therefore, write these tweets carefully. Be mindful of what might put buyers off (and be aware that can be counter intuitive)
- several ladies have told me that actually, the more followers they get, the less money they receive. Consider carefully how important follower count actually is. Whilst it might seem like the case, it's actually not a direct line from followers to money.
- don’t spend more time interacting with and posting about timewasters and bad interactions than you do with people actually giving you money and treating you kindly.
- public drama and tearing down other women is really demotivating and ugly. It always put me off as a sub. Fighting publicly over a sub just gives them an ego wank. Block and move on. Don’t waste time and energy.
- Twitter isn’t a place to make friends and deep emotional connections. Relationships there are normally transient, especially with subs. This also extends to “ownership.” Subs will come and go depending on their circumstances and situation. They will work with other “sellers.” Yes, its nice if they keep you updated and tell you whats happening, but they don’t always do so. That’s just the way it is. Accept that and don’t get too invested.
- speaking of being updated, if a submissive tells you they need to take a break or that they aren’t feeling the connection and they need to move on, you need to hear this and accept it. The number 1 reason subs “ghost” (or otherwise don’t communicate their situation) is because they get very unpleasant reactions when they say they are taking time away or won't be buying a service anymore. If you want the best chance of someone communicating to you, be an open and easy person to communicate with and don't punish honesty
- not all the men involved in findom twitter like humiliation or want to be called a loser. Some of them are far from what you'd term a loser out and about in the real world.
- it’s ok to reach out to a sub first if you like their tweets/style and think you might have good interactions with them. Just be polite and don't be pushy, but there's nothing wrong with it. When I did findom some of my best interactions came from Dommes contacting me first.
- debt contracts are not legally enforceable. It’ll be a very rare occurrence that you’ll get the full value paid to you of a debt contract or even full values from retweet games. Don't be upset by this.
- Initial tributes are controversial and debated. Both sides of the debate are right. You don’t want to talk to someone for hours upon hours for no return. Equally, some men don't want to spend money if they don't think they will enjoy interaction (remember, guys 2,3 and 4 want something). It's up to you if you want to entertain questions or initial interaction without a fee - but if you do ask for initial tribute, price carefully would be my advice.
- don’t spend a single second on bait tweets. If a submissive account is regularly posting that they just got paid or, are desperately looking for a drain etc, just ignore it. Don’t interact, don’t comment. If a man wants a service and wants to pay, he’ll do so. Don’t be pulled into commenting under their posts.
- post clear verification, using a verified onlyfans or loyalfans account etc. Let people know you aren’t a scammer and aren’t underage.
- the internet is forever when it comes to media. You might delete a post or your whole account but your pictures/video clips likely now exist in other places and will forever. Be comfortable with what you upload being in existence for eternity. This point isn't to shame you or make you feel bad in anyway, it's just to make you aware, the internet is forever.
- keep a record of what you've been paid, by who and when if possible. This is income. It can be helpful to have those records.
- If you’ve got someone who is regularly talking to you and sending you money/buying your services then cultivate them. Talk to them and interact with them. Encourage them and keep doing so. Understand your “buyers” as best you can and sell them what you can. Don’t get to thinking they are “in the bag” and are now addicted to you etc and will always be here. Ongoing relationships take plenty of work and are always going to be precarious.
- lastly remember that dominating someone's finances can also mean telling them when NOT to send you money. Being healthy, careful and helping someone budget can be (and should be!) a key part of findom too.