White Male Privilege
Photo by Ehimetalor Akhere Unuabona on Unsplash
A few months ago, I sat awkwardly in the front room of a small flat whilst a lady explained to me how everything in my life was so easy and I had no problems to worry about.
The flat was in Stockton Upon Tees. The lady in question was my girlfriends younger sister.
Having become upset about the story line of the film we had been watching and its apparent representation of patriarchy, a short break whilst my girlfriend had gone to the kitchen for ice cream had become the perfect opportunity for her to give me some education on how everyone in the world (everyone but men that is) has a terrible time of everything.
Uninvited and with a serious “I’m educating you” tone (womansplaining?) , it was explained to me how ALL women everywhere were victim to “the patriarchy.”
She was no exception. Apparently she isn’t able to leave her flat after 8pm at night as she was very likely to be raped – or at least someone - and I quote - “might say something to her” (not quite sure what that meant).
She could not travel to Saudi Arabia alone – or Egypt for that matter. Not that she wanted to but. But what if she did?
Additionally, I was alarmed to hear that women in Argentina were apparently being murdered more than anyone else in the world.
I asked about the statistics and apparently they are being murdered there at the rate of 15 per hour!?
131,400 women are murdered a year then in Argentina if I calculated correctly, which is 5 times more than the entire homicide rate (men and women) of the United States in 2020?
Also, apparently these women were being murdered exclusively and only by men in acts of domestic violence, I was told.
It certainly seemed like there was a lot of information to digest in the few minutes I was given.
Argentina was starting to sound like some sort of concentration camp for women?!
Unfortunately there was no time for questions or debate. My "lesson" needed to be finished off before ice cream arrived. The conclusion I needed to understand was that basically if you are a man, essentially everything was safe, easy and comfortable for you. You had nothing to worry about and whilst it wasn’t said in so many terms, it was essentially clear that men were the root of all of the problems women face. All the more if you happened to be white and hetrosexual I was told.
Which sadly, somewhat describes myself.
Even though I'm not a rapist (using the traditional legal definition at least) and believe strongly in equality, I couldn’t help but feel some what attacked. Why? Well because I'm a man. And it was clearly positioned that men are the problem when it comes to these issues.
There was no qualifier given. “Some” or “a few” or “a type.” It was just “men” - and hence I guess, included me?
I felt awfully guilty suddenly for the fact she couldn’t leave her flat after 8pm (what on earth is going on in Stockton on tees?!) and that she couldn’t travel to Egypt or Saudi Arabia.
Whilst the murder rate in Argentina part seemed – basically just factually dodgy to me (the government there fiddle the homicide statistics according to Wikipedia, so nobody really knows the exact murder rates. So it could be true but we don't really know and that rate sounds ..unlikely?)
However, even that aside, I felt as if I had really done something wrong to her. Purely by ,well, existing?
Honestly, that sucked.
This could have been all quite upsetting course.
But luckily (or unluckily?) for me this was a lesson I’d had before. Multiple times. Actually, it's one I get almost monthly, sometimes several times a month. Pretty much to the point where to be totally and brutally honest, I’m kind of tired of it?
There.
I said it. Sorry.
The thing is, any newspaper I pickup, news or blog website I look at, twitter/linkedin page I scroll down or industry/work based publication I read– has a reference to it somewhere sooner or later. Quite often it’s the subtext or unspoken inference in some reporting on feminism, “gender equality” , “women in the work place” or “the gender pay gap.” But equally other times, its just spelled out in black and white. I’ll do it here for an easy read -
WHITE. MALE. PRIVILEDGE.
At this point, if I've learnt the rhetoric well enough so far, someone will argue I have to stop writing?
There are long and complicated arguments as to why I cannot say anything about this topic. Generally it seems my colour and gender preclude me from doing so.
Or “its not about you” or.. something? If you want to stop reading, that’s cool. Otherwise, if you’ll forgive me for just a little while, I’ll go on a little longer. Because I think it's important?
So pretty much every day I get my fix of “man bad, woman good” from various media sources. Or I get it from well meaning family relations just before I eat my dessert.
The general gist of it goes, if you are a man (especially a white man), the whole world is built around you, to give you the greatest experience you could hope for. Or at the very least, every single other person on earth who isn’t a white man has it worse.
This is because, men (all of them) are the operators of some kind of conspiracy theory – “the patriarchy” where they club together to devise ever increasingly evil ways of repressing, abusing, murdering or exploiting anybody in the world who isn’t a man. Mainly women.
Sounds terrible? It's actually far far worse than you can imagine!
You see, there isn’t an actual, spoken or written conspiracy as such. Men don’t gather together in secret club rooms and actually draw up plans for this stuff.
No no, its even worse than that! Even more insidious.
Instead, the need to repress and control anyone who isn’t a man is subconsciously built in.
Apparently, we’re like robots. We do it by a form of wireless connection, maybe some sort of advanced bluetooth? Nobody really knows exactly but apparently we cleverly and subconsciously interact with other men to construct a whole world that is rigged against everyone else. Especially women. We can't help ourselves. We're just evil.
There are these complex bits of psychology, unconscious bias and other cool sounding technical terms, that make us brainwash, manipulate, control and adjust the world around us to favor us. There are studies available that prove it. By actual scientists. We're totally unaware of it and generally unable to stop it. It's our original sin.
So, if you are a man, you are part of this club. And as you are part of this club, you have lots of control and power. And this is your privilege.
Lots of people will now be shaking their heads and claiming I've misunderstood. Because to put it this bluntly is to make is sound less sophisticated. But I'm quite sure I haven't misunderstood.
I am explaining it with a slightly sarcastic tone and perhaps I shouldn't. But if you scratch it down to its rawest level of argument, this is what is being said? A sort of conspiracy theory that is blanketed over ALL men, collectively.
The raw roots of this idea, it happens, lie in post modern academic ideologies which posit the idea that, the best way to see the world is through the lens of different groups all struggling with each other for power.
Some of those groups (or classes) are “oppressors” where as others are “oppressed.” Every person in the world needs to be judged according to their “class” and where they fit with a persons “class” being heavily dependent on immutable characteristics such as gender/sex, race, religion, ability/disability and a host of other matters.
Those individuals that are deemed “oppressors” have privilege. Those who are “oppressed” do not.
It's a crude explanation, yes, but then, I think this way of looking at the world itself is crude? It's also the essence of what I define as “wokeism.”
But back to privilege for a moment (and why this model really doesn't work).
Perhaps somewhat unsurprisingly, I have a problem with it. Why? Well, basically, speaking personally, I don't always feel particularly..... privileged?
“Ahhh” but they gasp - “that's part of the problem you see! If you are privileged, you don't know you are. Someone else (probably a woman) has to tell you that you are.”
I would submit that any logically minded person, would find this difficult to get onboard with. Because simply, its a kafka trap?
“I'm not a rapist!” he said. “Ahhh but thats exactly what a rapist WOULD say!” she replied.
Before I explain though, I should should set out at this stage, roughly my view on equality and also on “luck”. Here it is.
I believe – very deeply- in the principle of the equality of opportunity.
For example, if two people are just as good for a job, they should be interviewed and considered equally. It shouldn't matter what sort of genitals they have, nor their colour, race, sexuality, number of functioning limbs, favourite type of cheese or anything else that matter.
In my previous role I had the responsibility for recruiting staff and made as sure as I could that I picked whoever was best for the job based on their CV and the conversation I had with them. Not who I liked more or who I had more in common with. I'm hoping my colleges and the people I recruited can attest to that.
I believe schools and universities should admit people equally also, not purely based on how much money their parents have or what postcode they come from.
I also believe – very deeply – that people shouldn't be harassed, sexually or otherwise. Anywhere. Ever. Nor raped, imprisoned unlawfully or generally discriminated against for who they are.
I don't like seeing people bullied, discarded, ignored or pushed aside purely and only because they are white/black/purple/woman/man etc etc. Its unfair and I dislike unfairness in process/procedure and opportunity as a general rule of thumb. It offends me. When it happens (and I know it does) I think it degrades a key piece of our humanity.
And so to this idea of privilege.
I'm very lucky to have been born in the United Kingdom and extremely lucky to have had the life I've had so far. There are people in the world who are not as lucky as me. I've done nothing to deserve many of the breaks I got in life, they came about purely by chance most of the time.
That said, I'm aware there are people who got even greater luck than I did with where and how they were born. But – I'm not going to complain.
I call this “luck” as you'll have noticed. Perhaps others call this privilege. I think there is a distinction between the two though.
I'm not saying for a moment then that I don't believe in equality of opportunity between people (as far as it is possible to implement). Nor am I saying also that there aren't areas (or perhaps more accurately, situations) where I am luckier than other people because of my gender, colour, place of birth, background etc.
What I am saying though is, just being a man - that alone, well..., I can tell you with certainty, it's not all chocolate boxes and roses as was painted out to me in that room in Stockton Upon Tees.
And to tell me I am “privileged” as a whole just because of that, completely dismiss all of the areas where my life could sucks too. Or rather, where the odds are stacked against me. It's a bit offensive to be honest.
Just to give a flavour of what I mean. In the UK:-
In 2017 - 61% of victims of violence where there was physical injury were male (based on the Crime Survey for England and Wales - 2017)
In 2017 - 71% of homicide victims were male
In 2017 – 83% of people sleeping rough were male (estimated based on area surveys)
In 2016 – 60% of deaths declared “avoidable” by ONS were male
In 2017 – 96% of workers killed in their place of work were male
In 2015 - 75% of people who committed suicide were male.
In 2018 – 95% of people in prison were male.
In 2018 – I'm expected to live 3.7 on average years less than a women
Essentially then, during my life, I'm more likely than an equivalent women to be murdered, assaulted, be found sleeping rough or to die needlessly. I'm more likely to die doing my job, I'm more likely to go to prison and more likely to become depressed and commit suicide. My life on whole is expected to be almost 4 years shorter than the equivalent woman – simply because I had the misfortune of being born a man.
So back to my privilege. Is it a constant? When it comes to depression, am I privileged? When doing risky jobs, am I privileged? The odds seem somewhat stacked against me in these areas? So am I always privileged? Or actually, is privilege situational?
I could go on with the statistics for another page easily before I started having to really search hard.
What am I getting at here? I think I can summarize my concern like this.
Going by the stats, definitely, women are overwhelmingly more likely to be the victims of rape and sexual harassment in the UK. They have more discourse and respect usually when they are victims of those crimes than when men are, yes. But they still suffer it at a higher rate and that is not good. It's awful. I don't like it.
Historically, also women have been looked down on in certain situations. Thought of as incapable and weak and not given equality of opportunity. That's not right.
There may be places and situations where this still happens today. Especially (but not only) in places like Saudi Arabia. Even as an apparent paid up member of the patriarchy, from what I can see, the way women get treated there is particularly unfair. I don't like it. All of this is bad.
Meanwhile, whilst all of that is true, men are more likely to be depressed and fall victim to suicide. They are more likely to do dirty and dangerous jobs. They die faster, they die younger and they die in more violent ways. All of this is bad.
All of these problems need solutions or at least attention to try and alleviate. But comparing them doesn't help with that. Putting our issues in a league table, assigning points and trying to claim who has it worse and then pin the blame on others for them is not only futile but is actually counter productive. It leads us to division, disagreement and argument - just at the moment when we probably need each other most.
Women are objectified. Men are disposable. We all have our crosses to bear.
And we need each other. We are sisters, brothers, fathers, mothers, girlfriends, boyfriends, wives and husbands. We are two sides of the same coin.
Complaining one side has it worse BECAUSE of the other in some kind of high level comparison and comparing suffering in some kind of “problem Olympics” isn't going to help.
Life is a process of suffering and misery for everyone.
I suppose if the lesson I got that evening is correct however, at least my privilege means I hopefully have at least 4 years less of it to suffer.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_Kingdom_prison_population
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_in_the_United_Kingdom
https://www.samaritans.org/about-us/our-research/facts-and-figures-about-suicide
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homicide_statistics_by_gender
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_Kingdom_prison_population